segunda-feira, 20 de outubro de 2008

About tragic thoughts

Ok, so now what? I have been there before and I do know what I don’t want.
How is it gonna be from now on? Well, let’s see if time will answer that one.
If it doesn’t, I swear I’m getting myself inside a mental clinic! Cause there’s no way someone can be that stupid.
So I lose my time… the precious time I should be using to study for the “presentation” of the research tomorrow…
Everything is gonna work out, I guess. I mean, I feel so bad, but so bad, that I just can’t see the goodness that I know is there. At least I know it is there!
Why do I feel that one year was the same as none time at all? I thought I had grown, but turns out I’m just the same girl pretending to be fragile so that people would notice and feel bad about making her sad… how is that for something to own up to?
Well, now history repeats itself, I see myself again trying to find impossible ways of forcing things to be perfect, maybe because I feel I’m not worthy of getting what I try to have or because it just doesn’t happen… and I simply don’t know how to go for it, I mean… I don’t have the behavioral repertory for that.
Oh, god. I feel so lost…
Now what? I’ll just keep living in desperate need of therapy and a terrible self esteem… meanwhile, I can always think about these practical chalanges I buy to feel that me being living has some kind of sense!

►A tragic post about tragic thoughts... Well... just being honest.