quarta-feira, 10 de fevereiro de 2010


I love and hate the irony.

How Hitler did a campaign against Jewish scientists and because of that was not able to build the atomic bomb after Einstein renounced his German nationality…

Or how I wrote about running away from emptiness and, hours after that, cried like a baby in front of the book I’m reading (that, ironically, was practically written about my life up until now). The book is Alice Miller’s “The Drama Of The Gifted Child”. It’s about how a child can grow up seeking for the parents’ love and approval and, for that, having to give up emotions, becoming the perfect child with no bad feelings or inconveniences. Well, actually it’s about psychoanalysis , but it’s quite intelligible to someone who hasn’t ever studied about it, although it’s a bit complex. But anyway, come on! The book is about me, mainly!

(Actually, the reason why the book was so ironic after what I wrote is hard to explain… and maybe I don’t want to =D)

Today I feel like I’m able to do things. Like I’m actually good at what I do. Teaching, driving, speaking (translating vague ideas into speech). These days are good. I also feel interesting. Maybe it’s all this music that I’ve been listening to that left me in high spirits.

Only I’ve been worrying about my will to do stuff. Like the bad stuff, stuff that demands effort. I have this really bad tendency to leave them aside. One good example is the diet I should have been doing so I lose some weight. But as Humbert told me, I get cranky when I’m hungry…

Just arrived home. Came from work, so the thoughts are still in English. Didn’t press the SAP button yet.

There’s no need for beautiful endings in this world of chaos…