sábado, 6 de junho de 2009

"It's the same in any language"

Elizabethtown... well, this is a hell of a good movie!
Today was a regular day... I just did regular stuff. And still I feel different from a week ago. Something must have happened, or not... Bu today... today was pretty regular.
Pizza until you can’t breath. Beautiful clothes I had never wore… ideas for presents that may not be so good, but that's the point, I think. Make up to make my face look nice... I actually do think that I'm beautiful, and I'm just being a little (lot) stuck up about this, haha!
Some really good music and I feel like inside another world.
I guess everything might change from now on. Maybe I’ll get myself a haircut, or maybe I’ll just stop waiting until I learn my lesson. Maybe there aren’t any lessons out there to be learnt… I don’t know. For now, it’s enough to be in silence, remember images and sounds I collect and be whatever I’m being right now…
I always though that the world was beautiful beyond the obvious ugliness. Guess it’s possible to feel great when everything seam to melt.
This morning, I remembered what my dream was about. It’s been a while since I last recalled a dream. Well, this one had it’s weirdness, as expected. There was this pool in a house that was part a night club, part some friend’s house, part a TV station, I don’t know. There was a party going on. There were crocodiles and sharks inside the pool, and I was inside it, but kind of in spirit or something. I know this because I remember imagining how it would feel to be chewed by a crocodile, but when it caught me, I didn't feel it, so I guessed I was just there in consciousness, but not in body. Then the scenes repeated themselves and I was outside myself, seeing everything again. And then I was searching for someone to come and do something, something he had done the first time I saw the scene, but now he was taking too long to show up... so I went inside to look for him, but this particular person was recording some TV show… then I left and kind of crushed into some specific other person. This was that interesting and annoying part of the dream. My reaction, that felt like natural but, in reality would be just shameful, to this and the reaction that came back at me. It was kind of a mental picture of how I've been behaving for almost my whole life. Should I do something about this dream? I shall take it to therapy! haha.
I feel more like myself. I feel like there is a future for me, even if it’s not the way I planned it to be. And I feel like I don’t need to have a plan right now. Can I just follow the song?

►Music comes and goes… but never loses it’s magic.