Making clever jokes, trying to look intelligent and confident… what is it all for? Am I struggling for action, for peace, for history? Do I believe I can do anything besides being myself and worrying about my little useless world? How can I believe in bigger change? How can I choose something I don’t even believe in?
Meanwhile, I stand here thinking about people who surround me and goals that make me feel a little safer. I chose not to have bigger conscience, so I could be comfortably unpleased with the world I’m in… trying to feel at least pleased with the person I am.
Actually, that is all that matters. My position in the world is nothing but my position in myself.
Makes me think about all that time I waste thinking about tricks, social games, loneliness, what other people think about me and my life.
There are two worlds… the big world in witch there is nothing that can be done in little scale. And there is the real world, where doesn’t matter what is done… the only matter is inner peace. Witch we can hardly experiment.
How sad is this?
That’s why I chose to be in a fantasy world. More poetic, more philosophical, more unreal also, but more beautiful. Some say that ignorance is blessed...
There are too many things going on. I can hardly be involved with one at a time…
This whole amount of words is me being suddenly conscious of my littleness for the world and my bigness for myself.
And why in english? Don’t know… I must have not turned off the “SAP” button yet…
►War is always the same… people trying not to loose what they have already conquered. This works for world wars as works for home wars.